27 September 2013

Brucker's ASAB -- and was Jesus the (7th generation) son of a son of a bastard?

Some of you may recall Brucker's Bad News Bears post, which was a Christian response to God's 103rd killing. It is still the only response (after nearly four years) that I've had to my challenge to Christians, though I often get general excuses which can be summarized in this way: "God can kill whomever he wants, whenever he wants, anyway that he wants, for any reason he wants."

Brucker started the Annotated Skeptic's Annotated Bible back in 2005, beginning with Genesis 1, intending, I believe, to blog through the entire Bible. And he continued for for a few years until he finally got bogged down somewhere in Second Samuel. It was a valiant attempt, and I enjoyed reading his posts (though I seldom agreed with him) and I tried to put links to his posts at the bottom of the SAB's chapters.

Well, Brucker is back at it again, this time starting with Matthew. You can find his first post here.

Brucker's posts are especially interesting to me because he often points out things that I missed before. In his second paragraph of the Matthew 1 post, for example, Brucker brings up Jesus's questionable pedigree.

Jesus, according to Mathew 1:3-5, had a  seventh great grandfather (Phares) that was (from the Bible's point of view, anyway) a bastard.
(See also Luke 3:31-33)
Judas begat Phares ...
[Phares was a "bastard" to God. See Genesis 38:13-30]
[1] Esrom ...
[2] Aram ...
[3] Aminadab ...
[4] Naasson ...
[5] Salmon ...
[6] Booz ...
[7] Obed ...
[8] Jesse ....
[9] David.
And God said this in Deuteronomy 23:1:
A bastard shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD; even to his tenth generation shall he not enter into the congregation of the LORD.
So Jesus should never have entered the congregation of the Lord -- and yet God not only let him into the congregation, he made him king over it.

It looks like another contradiction to me.

17 September 2013

SAB iPhone App is now available, and here's your chance to win a free one

You may have already heard: the long-awaited SAB iPhone App is now available! We've been working on it for over a year, and it feels good to get it out in the world. Now punk kids in churches everywhere will be quoting from their phones, asking tough questions with the scripture to back them up. Or so we hope.

Here's what it looks like on the iPhone:

We are working on an Android version, but since the Apple version took so much longer than we initially thought, we don't want to give a date yet. We'll keep you posted as it develops. And if you want to be a beta tester for the Android version, send an email to skepticapps@gmail.com and we'll add you to the list. 

Also, if you want to try your luck to win a free version, head over to Hemant Mehta's Friendly Atheist blog for a chance to win one of 10 free apps. All you have to do is post your favorite out-of-context Bible verse in the comments.

12 September 2013

Isaiah 17 and the non-prophet Muhammad

I suppose many Christians are disappointed now that Isaiah 17 is just another failed prophecy. Kerry and Putin have ruined everything for them. Now they won't be able to watch while God burns to death everyone in Damascus, with God himself lighting the fire. Oh well, I'm sure they can find another prophecy to look forward to that involves the suffering and death of millions of people. The Bible is filled with stuff like that.

But Christians aren't the only ones that have prophecies about Damascus. Here's what Muhammad said about it.

The end of the world will start with the arrival of the Dajjal, which is the Muslim version of the Anti-Christ. Muhammad (I'll just call him "Mo" from now on) knew exactly what would happen, even if he didn't know when. (He thought he might live to see it.) If the Dajjal came while Mo was still living, Mo would take care of all the Muslims.
I harbour fear in regard to you in so many other things besides the Dajjal. If he comes forth while I am among on, I shall contend with him on your behalf, but if he comes forth while I am not amongst you, a man must contend on his own behalf and Allah would take care of every Muslim on my behalf (and safeguard him against his evil).
The Dajjal will be a young man with a blind eye and twisted hair.
He (Dajjal) would be a young man with twisted, contracted hair, and a blind eye.
Here's a forensic facial composite sketch of the Dajjal.

If you see this guy coming, drop what you're doing and recite Surah 18 (The Cave).
He who amongst you would survive to see him should recite over him the opening verses of Sura Kahf (xviii.).
That will stop him, especially when you get to the part where Allah gives unbelievers a shower of molten lead to burn their faces.
We have prepared for disbelievers Fire. Its tent encloseth them. If they ask for showers, they will be showered with water like to molten lead which burneth the faces. Quran 18:29
The Dajjal will appear somewhere between Syria and Iraq. And he'll hang around for 439 days.
He would appear on the way between Syria and Iraq and would spread mischief right and left. O servant of Allah! adhere (to the path of Truth). We said: Allah's Messenger, how long would he stay on the earth? He said: For forty days, one day like a year and one day like a month and one day like a week and the rest of the days would be like your days.
He will make it rain and do other cool tricks, until one day he cuts a nice young man into two pieces and separates the two pieces by the distance between an archer and his target.
He would then call a person brimming with youth and strike him with the sword and cut him into two pieces and (make these pieces lie at a distance which is generally) between the archer and his target.
Then the Dajjal will call to the young man that he split into two pieces, and the pieces will go back together again, and the re-united young man will laugh and gleam with happiness.
He would then call (that young man) and he will come forward laughing with his face gleaming (with happiness)...
Once the split boy is back in one piece, a sweaty Jesus will descend onto the top of a mosque on the east side of Damascus, wearing two saffron robes while placing his hands on the wings of two angels.
... and it would at this very time that Allah would send Christ, son of Mary, and he will descend at the white minaret in the eastern side of Damascus wearing two garments lightly dyed with saffron and placing his hands on the wings of two Angels. When he would lower his head, there would fall beads of perspiration from his head, and when he would raise it up, beads like pearls would scatter from it.
Every non-believer who smells Jesus will die, and they will smell his breath as far as they can see.
Every non-believer who would smell the odour of his self would die and his breath would reach as far as he would be able to see.
 Jesus will find and kill the Dajjal at the gate of Ludd.
He would then search for him (Dajjal) until he would catch hold of him at the gate of Ludd and would kill him.
Then Jesus will wipe the faces of the Muslims, Allah will send God and Magog to swarm down from every slope and send insects to attack people's necks, and they'll all die like they were a single person.
Then a people whom Allah had protected would come to Jesus, son of Mary, and he would wipe their faces and would inform them of their ranks in Paradise ... and then Allah would send Gog and Magog and they would swarm down from every slope ... and Allah's Apostle, Jesus, and his companions would supplicate Allah, Who would send to them insects (which would attack their necks) and in the morning they would perish like one single person.
Jesus and his companions will come down to earth (I thought they were already down there), where they won't find a single place that isn't filled with rotting bodies and putrefying stench.
Allah's Apostle, Jesus, and his companions would then come down to the earth and they would not find in the earth as much space as a single span which is not filled with their putrefaction and stench.
To clean up the mess, Jesus and his companions will ask Allah to send birds with camel-like necks to carry off the stinky dead bodies.
Allah's Apostle, Jesus, and his companions would then again beseech Allah, Who would send birds whose necks would be like those of camels and they would carry them and throw them where God would will.
Once things are cleaned up a bit, Allah will send a pleasant wind that will soothe people -- even under their armpits! All the Muslims will be taken care of and the surviving wicked will commit adultery like asses while waiting for the last hour to come.
Allah would send a pleasant wind which would soothe (people) even under their armpits, and would take the life of every Muslim and only the wicked would survive who would commit adultery like asses and the Last Hour would come to them.
So at least there's that to look forward to.

Top that Christians!

10 September 2013

New stuff coming up

We're starting a group called the SAB Inner Circle, which will be a group of 20-30 people who receive free advance copies of our upcoming books, the first news about SAB developments, and goodies like free app downloads and audiobook files.

In exchange, we are looking for feedback on the pre-publication material (so that we can improve it), and honest amazon reviews once the books are published and available to the public.

Upcoming works include:

The SAB iPhone App
Strange Flesh: The Bible's Contribution to the Homosexuality Debate
Drunk With Blood, Audiobook
The Skeptic's Annotated Book of Mormon

If we get a lot of emails requesting to join the group, preference will go to those who are involved with atheist groups, or those who have a large social media presence. Everyone who's interested should write in, though, and make your case why you think you'd be a good addition to the group.

If you are interested, please send an email to philwellsSAB *at* gmail.com. Make sure to include your mailing address in your email.


05 September 2013

The Burden of Damascus: God will burn the city of his joy so that Jesus can return (or something like that)

As you've probably noticed by now, Christians are excited about Isaiah 17:1. Prophecy is being fulfilled right before their very eyes!

Here's what all the excitement is about:
The burden of Damascus. Behold, Damascus is taken away from being a city, and it shall be a ruinous heap. Isaiah 17:1
Not since the BP oil spill have Christians had such fun with a looming disaster. God has inspired Barack Obama to attack Syria, which (they hope and pray) will result in the complete destruction of Damascus.

Yes, God is using Obama to destroy Damascus -- the city of praise and the city of God's joy. (The city of God's joy is not Jerusalem, Mecca, Rome, or Salt Lake City. It's Damascus.)
Damascus ... the city of praise ... the city of my joy! Jeremiah 49:24-25
God will destroy his favorite city with fire, and he will light the fire himself.
... Her young men shall fall in her streets, and all the men of war shall be cut off in that day, saith the LORD of hosts. And I will kindle a fire in the wall of Damascus. Jeremiah 49:26-27
And why is God going to destroy Damascus? Well, partly, I guess, to fulfill the prophecy in the Bible. He's been embarrassed by failed prophecy ever since Jesus told his followers that he'd return while they were still alive. So it's worth it to God to burn to death 1.7 million people in order to get at least one prophecy properly fulfilled.

But there's another reason, too. It turns out that God can't let Jesus return until he destroys Damascus by fire. I'm not sure how he figures that, but believers say that it is so.

It's right there in the Bible somewhere.

02 September 2013

Call me Ishi

That's what God wants you to call him. He said so in the Bible.
It shall be at that day, saith the LORD, that thou shalt call me Ishi. Hosea 2:16
If you call him "Ishi" (hubsand),  he'll make a covenant with the beasts, fowls, and creeping things.
In that day will I make a covenant for them with the beasts of the field and with the fowls of heaven, and with the creeping things of the ground. 2:18
Then he'll marry and get to know you.
I will betroth thee unto me for ever ... and thou shalt know the LORD. 2:19-20
On his (and your) wedding day, he (Ishi) will hear the heavens and the heavens will hear the earth. The earth will hear the corn, and the wine, and the oil. And Ishi will sow his wife (you) on the earth. (Or something like that.)
In that day, I will hear, saith the LORD, I will hear the heavens, and they shall hear the earth. And the earth shall hear the corn, and the wine, and the oil ... And I will sow her unto me in the earth. 2:21-23
So give it some thought. It might be a lot of fun.

Make God happy; call him "Ishi" and marry him. He'll get to know you and sow you like a field.

He'll make a deal with the animals; he'll hear the heavens, the heavens will hear the earth, and the earth will hear the corn, wine, and oil.

A good time will be had by all.

And you and Ishi will live happily together forever.